Why I’m My Own Worst Enemy

Yesterday I spent the day brainstorming ideas for new blog posts yet when I sat down to start writing today, I felt the need to write about something completely different. This morning I woke up really struggling. There was nothing in particular that was bothering me but I felt extremely unhappy. It’s unfortunate but the last year or so has consisted of many days that result in me being upset at something in my life.

The last year or so has been a year of truly trying to figure out who I am and what kind of person I want to be. I’ve been faced with heartache, being rejected for jobs, losing friendships, and more. I’ve always considered myself to be an optimist but it comes to a point where these things begin to take a toll on a person. I now have fears that I once didn’t have. Fear of never finding a successful job that I genuinely love and enjoy. Fear that I will constantly be hurt by the people I love the most. I find myself overwhelmed and frustrated for being so emotional and letting it affect those around me. I have become my own worst enemy. I let these negative thoughts dictate how I respond to others and how I feel about myself.

I’m learning to retrain my brain to look at the good rather than the ugly. Sure, I have faced rejection and heartache, but I have also been given the time to focus on things I’m passionate about, like traveling and writing. I have fallen in love with someone who makes me want to be the best version of myself. The friends that I have support me in everything that I do. I have time to read books, pick up new hobbies, and spend time with family.

When the new year started, one of my goals was to wake up and take control of the day. It’s only February and it seems that I have already let myself succumb to my emotions. I’m not saying that it is wrong to feel. In fact, I believe that we should feel as much possible. However, it is up to us to take charge of our emotions and what we think. We can’t let our past run our future and we can’t let rejection ruin our hopes of ever trying again. The last thing that I want is to look back on my life and regret the fact that I held back on everything I wanted to do, say, or feel because I was afraid. This is our chance to be the best us we can be and that starts with the way that we feel about ourselves, others, and the world.

“I’ll admit, I have days where I loathe myself for living in extremes. For caring too much, loving too much. Just being too much. But I’d rather live in extremes then locked within boundaries. I’d rather feel too much than nothing at all. I’d rather love too much than lack affection. I’d rather be too much than not be enough.” –K.A

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